annie_recaps

We open on the ultimate Vegas glamour shot. The mack daddy of Vegas glamour shots, if you will. In black and white, we are treated to archival shots of the golden era of Las Vegas as Frank Sinatra sings "It's Almost Like Being In Love." As the black and white changes to the bright colors of modern Vegas, the camera follows Sam Braun as he enters a party held at an impressive and more than a little ostentatious mansion. Sam makes the rounds, greeting other partygoers and snagging some champagne, while another man enters a dark room of the mansion and pulls out a gun. Back to Sam, who spots the hostess of this shindig, Lois O'Neill, dancing up a storm. Lois is played by FAYE FUCKING DUNAWAY and I know this episode is going to rock because she's FAYE FUCKING DUNAWAY and she's fabulous, even if she has had 5032040203 facelifts and never met a piece of scenery she didn't find delicious.

While the man with the gun is rifling through Lois' drawers, Lois continues to show off her mad dancing skillz, under the appreciative gazes of Sam, Bobby Jensen (from the fifth season episode "Formalities") and Undersheriff "Captain Underpants" McKeen. I get a little excited because this is obviously going to be a high profile case, lots of press, blah blah blah and Ecklie is all over those like a cat on catnip so he's got to be in this episode, right? Right? Anyway, the dance ends and Lois soaks in all of her well-deserved accolades before zooming off to arrange the next stage of her party with her assistant. After taking care of that, she heads upstairs to change but is accosted by a rather wasted young girl, who says she has to leave the party because she's got a show to perform. With a saucy glint in her eyes, Lois shares a story of her showgirl days in which she got what seems like only 45 minutes of sleep a night and advises the girl to pace herself. Translation: "Crack is wack."

Later, Brass, Grissom and Greg have crashed the party because they heard FAYE FUCKING DUNAWAY was in town. Or, rather, because there's a dead body in Lois' closet. It's Tim Duke, the gun-toting guy who was skulking around earlier, dead from what looks like his own gun. Greg observes the placement of the gun on Duke's chest and notes it as a familiar mob hit calling card and Brass reports that Lois, besides being a famous showgirl (she's only two letters away from making me bust out the Barry Manilow), was also the girlfriend of notorious mobster Tony Constantine. He adds that Lois has been missing since she went upstairs to change. There's a large vault in the room and Greg goes over to inspect the bullet dents in the door while Brass finds Lois' assistant, Eve Girard, to open the vault. She does, and Grissom and Greg enter to find Lois, cowering under a table. Because she's FAYE FUCKING DUNAWAY, she gets the pre-credits line: "I thought this was my last birthday."

After the break, Brass and Greg are questioning Lois, who copes with her ordeal by dumping a hefty serving of cognac into a coffee cup. Heh. She says she goes through several outfits at her parties, which is why she was in her closet when Tim Duke was shot. She had asked him to bring a drink to her when she heard the gunshot and saw Duke crawling away from the gunman. She quickly closed the vault door, which was hit with two bullets, before hearing a final shot. Trembling, she says she wants to do something for Duke's family since she'd be dead if he hadn't come in. "Who'd want to kill you?" Greg wonders, enthralled by her. Hee. Lois asks for his name and when he supplies it, grabs a copy of her newly-released autobiography, Kiss Kiss, and signs it for him. Brass just smirks but Greg is thrilled, although his fanboying is dampened somewhat by his speculation that the tell-all could be the reason behind the attack.

As the credits roll by with no sight of Marc Vann's name, I am forced to accept that Ecklie isn't going to be in this episode. And then I am forced to wonder when exactly I started being disappointed at not seeing him. I think I need to lie down.

SuperDave and Sara are processing Duke's body, observing that there is one bullet wound in his chest and another in his head. Sara: "Shot to the heart..." Me and buffyspazz: "And you're to blame! You give love a bad name!" We embrace our dorkiness in this house. They also find $1000 in cash in Duke's pocket, along with a crack vial.

Sara finds Catherine in Lois' bedroom and reports the contents of Duke's pockets. Catherine thinks it's odd that Lois had a connection to a drug-dealing waiter but, then again, Lois was involved with Tony Constantine. She's looking through the photos of Lois with various famous and infamous people and picks up one of four showgirls. One is Lois, one is Catherine's mother Lily, and the other two don't get names because this episode isn't about them. Setting the picture down, Catherine spots a flower arrangement with a card from "Tony." Sara's all, "Dead men don't send flowers. And neither does Grissom, the rat bastard," but Catherine says in the mobster world, there are different definitions of "dead."

Downstairs, Nicky is talking to Eve, going over the extremely detailed party schedule. Eve hands over the outside security camera tapes and says there are none from inside the house, because Lois probably didn't want to be on camera first thing in the morning. She also provides a thorough guest list and says everyone is still in the house. Nicky is either impressed or terrified by Eve's Type A attention to detail. It's hard to say which one.

Out on the balcony, Catherine shines her flashlight around and spots a handkerchief dangling near the edge.

Inside, Captain Underpants has cornered Grissom and demands "Let my rich, campaign-contributing people go!" Grissom balks but Captain Underpants orders him to release anyone who didn't leave the room during the timeframe of Duke's murder. Before Grissom can deliver a scathing retort, Catherine joins him and reports her balcony find. Grissom trumps her discovery with one of his own: Sam Braun is there and happens to be one of the select few who left the room around the time of the murder. Catherine says she should "say 'Hi' to dear old Dad" and it's interesting that Grissom doesn't even try anymore to keep Catherine away from cases to which she has a personal connection. It's probably better for his blood pressure.

Catherine makes her way over to Sam and wants to know where he was when Tim Duke was shot. Downstairs, he says, remembering the good old days when mobsters could buy off the police and weren't hounded by their crime-fighting daughters. He waxes rhapsodic about introducing Tony Constantine to Lois but Catherine has to make it all about her by whining that Sam hasn't asked about her mother.

Nicky talks to Bobby Jensen, who knew Tony Constantine back in the day and was also one of the guests who left the party during the timeframe of Duke's murder. Jensen says he went outside to smoke since he promised Lois he wouldn't do it in the house. "Filthy habit. Trying to quit," Jensen says. Snerk. Funny, given the interviews George Eads has given about trying to quit smoking recently. Let's hope Jensen doesn't grow a pornstache.

Over in another part of the room, the wasted girl from earlier, Li'l Cherry, is on her cellphone and crabby because she's going to be late for her show. Or perhaps she just has crabs. After all, she is played by Bijou Phillips, pal of Paris Hilton. Grissom forcibly removes the phone from her ear and notes a burn on her finger and bruises on her knees. He asks where she went when she left the room and she says she was in the bathroom. Pulling on gloves, Grissom asks if he can see Cherry's handbag and she stalls but when he mentions getting a warrant, she tries to bolt. As her bodyguard tussles with the cops, Grissom manages to grab her and she drops her bag, which means he doesn't need a warrant. Cherry has the grace to look at least somewhat embarrassed when Grissom finds a crackpipe in her purse. Paris would just roll her eyes and strike a pose.

Interrogation room, where Brass and Hofia are questioning Li'l Cherry, who has her attack lawyer with her. Cherry is all, "I have never seen that crack pipe before in my life!" but Brass and Hofia are all, "Bitch, PLEASE." Hofia thinks Cherry followed Tim Duke, whom she knew sold crack, and when he demanded payment she grabbed his gun and shot him, then wiped the gun down with the handkerchief found on the balcony. Making fun of Louise Lombard's crappy American accent is just too easy most of the time but there's no way I'm letting "hankahcheef" go unremarked. For the love of GOD, this is the number one show on TV; CBS can afford a decent vocal coach for Lombard. Cherry is all, "Good story, but the reality is I was outside giving my bodyguard a birthday blowjob." She asks Brass what she needs to do to make him believe her and he smirks that he's already had his birthday. Hee!

Down in the morgue, Doc Robbins and Warrick are x-raying Duke's body. He's had lots of fractures and, in a really disgusting bit of CGI, Robbins points out that his nose was wired on, something commonly seen with boxers. Warrick wants to know if it's also a common thing for waiters.

Back at Lois' house, Greg is engrossed in her book while Sara processes the closet and finds a bullet hole in the floor. She asks for the saw and Greg balks, since the house is a piece of Vegas history. Sara's all, "CRIME SCENE, FOOL." Greg tells her to chill and he whips out (not like that!) a fiber optic camera, which he snakes through the hole (not like that!) in the floor, bringing up the camera's images on the computer. Under the floorboards they find several bundles of cash of $10,000 each, one with a bullet lodged in it. Sara wonders why Lois keeps cash in the floor when she has a vault. "No more room under the mattress?" Greg guesses. Going down to the floor below, they pull out the ceiling light fixture and Sara reaches through to pull out a few handfuls of money.

At the lab, Warrick tells Nicky that their victim, Tim Duke, was actually Vincent Pullone, a former boxer with an extensive record. Nicky is looking at the surveillance tapes and spots a car dropping Duke off at the front door. He goes in the house, returns with a piece of paper which he hands to the driver of the car, then around the time of the murder the car comes back then leaves a few minutes later. Nicky pulls a license plate and the car is owned by Nanci McGonigle. They have some trouble pronouncing the name and I am disappointed that neither of them makes the appropriate Harry Potter connection.

Hodges and Catherine walk down a hallway while he tells her about the "hankahcheef," which is lined with hand-stitched edges. It's also positive for gun powder but there were no prints or DNA.

Greg enters Grissom's office and reports that no prints were found on the cash, which is all dated before 1965. "You ever hear that expression 'old money'? This stuff was ancient." Greg blithers. Grissom looks appalled that 1965 is considered ancient but before he can put Greg in his place, his attention is caught by the sound of Lois' voice in the hallway. He and Greg wander out to find that Lois, accompanied by several henchmen, has brought a fancypants lunch as thanks to everyone diligently working the case. Greg is excited but Grissom, who clearly hasn't gotten the memo that this is FAYE FUCKING DUNAWAY and he should bow down before her awesomeness, says the department can't accept any gifts related to a case and the food should be taken to a homeless shelter down the street. Lois graciously backs down and turns her attentions to one who isn't immune to her considerable charms: Greg, who is still carting around her memoirs. He gushes over her thrilling life and she giggles like a schoolgirl, which makes Grissom confused as to who deserves his "WTF?" face more. He attempts to get control over the situation and asks Lois about the $1 million in cash found in her floorboards. She is flabbergasted at first, then realizes that the money was Tony Constantine keeping his promise that she would be taken care of if anything happened to him. Grissom wants to know if she can name anyone who might know about the money and Greg rattles off a few mobster names he obviously read in her book. He definitely earns Grissom's "WTF" look that time. She feigns amused ignorance, saying they'd have to talk to Tony. Before strutting out the door she teases that the CSIs really need to catch up with the people who have been trying to kill her for years. The mischievous piano of Don't You Wish You Had FAYE FUCKING DUNAWAY On YOUR Show tinkles merrily as Lois demonstrates how to make a memorable exit.

In the A/V lab, Archie is zooming in on the piece of paper Tim Duke handed to his driver. It has a two-dimensional barcode on it and Nicky asks him to decode it. It's an airplane pass for two tickets from Las Vegas to Sardinia with the names Nanci McGonigle and Vincent Pullone. According to the airline, McGonigle boarded the flight but Pullone aka Duke did not. In the only really clunky line of this episode, Nicky says, "He was busy being dead." Thanks for the newsflash, Captain Obvious.

Sara and Hofia are talking to Eve in the interrogation room. Eve's fingerprints were found on the light fixture below where the cash was found and Sara speculates that Eve knew where the money was. Eve says she did take $10,000 but still has most of the money. She gave some of it to Tim Duke, her boyfriend, when he said he needed some cash. She's shocked when Sara reveals that Duke was supposed to be flying to Sardinia with another woman the night he was killed and denies giving him the tickets.

Down in the morgue, Robbins has retrieved the bullet from Duke's body. It entered the heart and exited to lodge in Duke's spinal cord, paralyzing him instantly. There's no way Duke could have moved after that shot, which calls into question Lois' story that she saw him crawling before she locked herself in the vault. "Well, maybe Lois' memory is a little flawed," Robbins ventures. "Oh, no," Grissom says with certainty. "She has a great memory." Because she's FAYE FUCKING DUNAWAY, that's why.

Brass and Grissom enter a fancy restaurant, where Lois is having drinks with Bobby Jensen. Lois invites them to join her and Grissom slides into the booth next to Lois, wasting no time by asking her about her account of Tim Duke crawling away after he was shot. She confirms her story but when Grissom presents her with the evidence that Duke was paralyzed, she easily pulls the old "It all happened so fast!" excuse. Jensen reminds, with more than a hint of menace, Grissom and Brass that Lois was the target. With a tearful laugh, Lois decides she's had enough fun for the night and excuses herself, asking when she'll get her house back. Grissom, who is just as skilled as Lois at pouring on the charm when he wants to, twinkles that she can go home as soon as his work is done. However, Lois once again gains the upper hand when she gets all up in Grissom's personal space as she exits the booth. I don't know which is more fun: watching Grissom and Lois match wits, or watching Billy Petersen and FAYE FUCKING DUNAWAY match talents. It's a draw, I think.

Back at the lab, Greg is grousing that he's stuck with a crappy tuna sandwich when he could be dining on Lois' gourmet lunch, if Grissom hadn't given it to those undeserving homeless people. "Lucky Clydes," Greg grumps. Sara, mildly amused, wants to know if he picked that lingo up from Lois' book and he points his sandwich at her in acknowledgment. Warrick wanders in and wants to know if the book has anything about the money found in her floor. Greg, adorably rattling off a variety of old school Vegas lingo in a way that I could not possibly do justice unless I transcribed the whole thing and I'm way too lazy for that, shares his theory: Tony Constantine, who was getting into a little too much trouble in Vegas, needed to go underground. Greg thinks he had something to do with the "famous" Pan Am heist in 1965, as right after it happened, Lois' house was built. "Connect the dots, buddy boy," Greg concludes with a flourish of his sandwich, causing Sara to crack up. Sadly, Warrick is in the room which means Sara can't fling her panties at Greg, so they get back to work. Sara thinks that Tim Duke was hired as a hitman to kill Lois but Warrick wants to know who killed Duke and why. Greg, still in the classic Vegas zone, gives them this to consider: Tony Constantine is still alive and hired Tim to protect Lois because of her tell-all. Sara throws out the idea that Lois killed Tim. "Well, I don't see homicide anywhere on her schedule," Greg flirts, paging through Lois' book. Sara laughs out loud AGAIN and, seriously, will these two crazy kids just DO IT ALREADY? Something catches Greg's attention and he pulls out two photos: one of the outfit Lois was wearing when she went upstairs and one of what she was wearing when she was found in the vault. Sara thinks they should both be tested for blood and GSR.

Catherine and Sara are in Lois' closet, which is tricked out with a computerized organizer, every item labeled by number. Catherine drools a little over all the fantastic clothes and even Sara, who usually doesn't get all girly, looks a little impressed. Catherine can't find the dress and Sara thinks she got rid of it, perhaps had it sent to the cleaners. They agree to get a warrant then move on to finding the jewelry Lois wore. Sara gives Catherine the drawer number and they open it to find a selection of Lois' many, MANY expensive jewels. DAMN. Can I be Lois? They find the ring Lois was wearing the night of the party and it's, cleverly, a canary diamond. Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to say it's a HUGE FUCKING CANARY DIAMOND. Really, I'd like to be Lois right now.

Back at the lab, we have a Science Music Video as the ring is being tested for GSR. Hodges manages to not croon "My precioussss" over it like I probably would.

Catherine enters her office to find her mother asleep on the couch. Lily stopped by to bring Catherine leftovers from her dinner with "the girls." She sneezes, blaming it on the red wine, and pulls out a "hankahcheef" that is the exact match to the one Catherine found on Lois' balcony. Catherine demands to know where she got it and, after some stalling, Lily admits Sam Braun gave it to her and that she's been dating Sam for several weeks. Catherine looks like she'd happily take Sara's screwed up family over her own right about now.

Cops pull over Sam's limo and Catherine hops in and gets right down to business. Instead of his usual head games, Sam answers her questions succintly. He and Lois were talking about old times at the party, she got a little teary and he gave her one of his all-occasion "hankacheefs." It's only one of half a dozen he's given away and he hasn't been in Lois' bedroom since 1967. Catherine tells Sam that she didn't think for a second that he wouldn't be capable of this murder. "And that wouldn't bother me, except you're dating my mother." So...Catherine's okay with the possibility of Sam being a murderer as long as he stays away from her mom? Okay! Sam urges her to give him and his relationship with Lily a chance but Catherine reminds him that being nice to one showgirl doesn't make up for killing another. "If you weren't my daughter..." Sam begins threateningly but Catherine is all, "BRING IT, BITCH."

Hodges is, um...coloring his hair with a black magic marker. Oh, Hodges. You're so entertainingly bathshit crazy sometimes. Grissom and Sara bust him and he tries to cover, claiming he likes the VERY, VERY, VERY FEW gray hairs he has. "Hodges, don't you know that gray hair can be attractive?" Sara purrs at him. Hodges looks intrigued but it's Grissom's double-take reaction that really matters. Hee! I really love Sara fucking with Grissom's head this season. She blithely ignores his discombobulation as she asks Hodges about the results from the ring. It's positive for GSR and Grissom looks vaguely nauseated at having to endure another encounter with the formidable Lois. Or because Sara has zinged all of the aplomb right out of him.

Brass and Grissom enter Lois' house, the door of which is standing open. Grissom reports that it was cleared as a crime scene a couple of hours earlier and Brass calls for Lois but there's no response. They hear "Where Are You" by Frank Sinatra drifting down from upstairs and ascend to the bedroom. Brass opens the doors and they discover Lois, her hair, makeup and wardrobe impeccable as always, artfully posed in bed, dead from a bullet to the heart.

Later, Greg is bagging the gun found on Lois' body while Robbins is examining her. Robbins says she was lying down when she was shot and Greg guesses that she was asleep or surprised by someone she trusted. Grissom enters to report that Nicky discovered Duke's airline tickets were purchased by "XX Associates." Greg recognizes this as Lois' company, so named because you have to make two lip puckers when saying her name, Lois O'Neill, like when kissing. "Kiss, kiss. XX," Greg concludes. Grissom obviously has forgotten what kissing is like, because he looks totally confused. He moves on to reveal that the only two people authorized to make purchases on the card were Lois and Eve Girard. Grissom gazes at Lois' body and, with some surprise, notes that she looks perfect. Robbins agrees, except for smudges on her eyelids.

Back at the morgue, Grissom dusts and photographs Lois' eyelids, finding a fingerprint on each. Later, Greg finds Grissom and has some exciting news to share that relates the '65 Pan Am heist and their current investigation. Bobby sent the gun used to kill Tim Duke to the FBI lab in Quantico and it's been discovered that it's a match to a gun used to kill a guard in the Pan Am heist. So, Greg continues breathlessly, he sent the FBI serial numbers of the cash found in Lois' house and they're also a match to the Pan Am heist. Grissom congratulates Greg on his excellent work and Greg grins so hard his face is in danger of cracking wide open. Moving on, Grissom tells Greg that Lois' body was filled with tumors. Greg sinks into a chair and decides Lois wrote the book because she knew she was dying, and that she wouldn't have wanted to die that way. "Looking beautiful? Yeah. In all the papers. Yeah. Murder? Only if she was the one calling the shots," Greg concludes decisively.

In the interrogation room, Grissom is questioning Bobby Jensen. Jensen knew Lois had cancer and how Lois planned to make her grand final exit. Her only mistake, Jensen says, was in hiring Tim Duke, a lowlife crack dealer who took the opportunity to try and rob her before he killed her, figuring she wouldn't need it when she was dead. This was unacceptable to Lois, who shot Duke then made it look like she was the real target. When Grissom and his team started closing in on the real story, Lois called up her good friend Jensen, who finished what she had started with the memoirs and the lavish party by shooting her in her bed. However, the only evidence Grissom has is circumstantial and all Jensen will say is that Lois went out in her own home, looking fabulous, rather than wasting away of cancer in a hospital.

Sinatra's "Where Are You" starts playing again as we see a flashback of Jensen telling Lois she'll be seeing Tony soon, before he pulls the trigger. He wipes off the gun and lays it in her laps, then lovingly closes her eyelids. Then there's a montage of how different members of the CSI team are dealing with Lois' death. Doc Robbins puts a picture of her corpse in his famous cases scrapbook. Catherine, wearing a lovely green dress that I covet, join her reunited parents for dinner. Greg, in the locker room and preparing to go home, takes out a vintage hat and flips it stylishly Rat Pack-style before placing it on his head. And Grissom, perhaps more enchanted by Lois than he pretended to be, puts on his glasses and opens his borrowed copy of her book. Inside, the autograph reads: "To Greg, The best is yet to come. Lois O'Neill XX." The camera moves out to the Strip, where the vibrant colors of modern Vegas fade into the black and white glamour of classic Vegas.