annie_recaps

Welcome to my new recap archive. Commenting is enabled on any of the recaps so please direct comments about any specific recap to its particular entry, but please comment on this entry if you have any general questions, suggestions or comments about me, this LJ, and/or my recaps. I welcome anonymous commenting and IP logging is off so feel free to be as blunt as you want. I won't delete any comments unless they're spam.

It'll take me quite some time to archive all of my recaps (I didn't realize how many I'd done untl I started this!) so please be patient. Also, so that I don't get bored with this project I won't be archiving all of my recaps for any one show all together, but the tags will make finding all recaps for a show super easy. Eventually, I'll be linking the show names on my profile to the applicable tag. Once a show is linked on the profile, it means I've archived all of the recaps for that show.

ETA: This should go without saying but these recaps are not to be posted ANYWHERE without my permission. That's a copyright violation and I will pursue any necessary legal action if I see my recaps on any website other than this LJ or Recapist.com. Thank you.

This was one of those odd episodes that had such a gripping, breath-taking ending that the inclination is strong to declare the whole thing brilliant, but on second viewing the flaws in the storytelling become evident. At the end of the seventh season, we get CSI's first cliffhanger ever, and aside from two incredible performances by William Petersen and Jessica Collins and the actual cliffhanger, the episode was good. Not amazing, not perfect, not the best hour of TV or even the best hour of CSI. Simply good. It ended up being both a suspenseful and slightly disappointing way to end what's been the most creative season of CSI ever.

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So, Lady Heather. Hottest TV dominatrix ever? Y/Y/MFY. Discuss.

A shadowy figure wearing a leather duster and a cowboy hat pushes through the doors of an old West-style saloon. Lady Heather, looking stunning in a red gown, turns around and tells her guest that he's late. Cut to later and Lady Heather gasps for air as the man chokes her with a rope, ordering her to "say it." Presumably, he's referring to her safe word. Dude, it's Lady freakin' Heather. I think you'll be waiting forever for her to say that.

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I have a feeling that I'm going to need to save my energy for the final two episodes of the season so I'm presenting this recap in brief, handy dandy bullet points. Fitting, since the episode started out with a gun battle. Get it? Bullet points? Gun battle? GEDDIT? Ahem.

• Shootout! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! The dude in the cabin gives up firing at Brass and the Brassettes, corners himself in a hallway, then shoots himself in the head. Ew, brains. Unless you're a zombie. Then it's "mmmm, brains."


• The cops were at the scene looking for the missing Chyna De Vere and Grissom finds her in the barn. Well, part of her. Her head has been mounted on the wall, next to a deer.


• Awww, SuperDave's finally had his long-planned wedding! I'm sorry we didn't get to see it and meet Mrs. SuperDave, who sounds lovely.

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In the cold open, we see shots of a boxer past his prime training intercut with the same guy throwing a succession of women down on beds and screwing them while they stare dead-eyed at the ceiling. It's a bit of grim tone to set, since the rest of the episode is so darkly humorous. Anyway, the boxer ends up floating dead in a pool and Grissom and Sara have been called out to investigate. The boxer, Lorenzo "Happy" Morales, was found dead at a brothel, the Sugar Cane Ranch. Grissom and Sara investigate the body and note contusions, as well as two large holes in his neck that might be gunshot wounds. Sara observes that the water in the pool is warm and Grissom tells her that brothels keep them heated so the girls are encouraged to swim topless. At her look, he adds, "So they tell me." Heh. Credits.

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First off, I want to give major thanks to Tamara A., who let me know that "Meet Market" was the last episode in which there were two unrelated cases. She was also kind enough to not mock me for forgetting something that only happened five episodes ago, although mockery would certainly have been well-deserved.

When we begin, Grissom is handing out case assignments to his team. There's a lot going on, which means there will be a lot of action going on in this episode, right? Well, not so much. While Grissom is stuck in the morgue and the team is working their various cases, we get to spend some quality time with the lab techs. Hodges, seeing that his bosses will be preoccupied for a while, gathers his minions (Archie, Mandy, and Henry) and brings them to Grissom's office, where he shows them the miniature crime scenes. He says the case has been frustrating Grissom and strongly implies that Grissom asked him to have the lab techs go over the evidence, in case they find something the CSIs have missed. After a bit of grumbling, the others agree to help out. Hodges gives the Geekettes his version of the "Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose." speech, then as they circle around to peer inside the Izzy Delancy miniature, he gets to deliver the pre-credits zinger: "It's time to think outside the box."

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Dear CSI,
Thank you for kickstarting this episode with gratuitous lesbianism that had nothing to do with the plot. It's always appreciated. However, the next time you want to do something like that, please have it be Sara and Sofia making out.
Love,
Annie

Immediately following the Hot! Girl! On! Girl! Action!, shots are heard and a limo careens into the crowd outside a nightclub. Nobody in the crowd is seriously injured but inside the limo, Champ Landley has scattered his blood and brain matter all over the champagne and cocaine. How rude. Brass tells an officer to collect cellphones from the crowd by telling them their pictures and videos will be on the news, then heads over to chat with Champ's companion in the limo, Drops. Many of you may remember Drops from the season six episode "Poppin' Tags." He's just as incorrigibly charming as he was then, even covered in blood and brains, and insists that he has no idea who would want to shoot at him and Champ, since he's an innocent, law-abiding model citizen and all. Brass is all, "Riiiiiight." He tells Drops that he'll have to go down to the station to give a statement, his clothing, and a DNA sample.

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CBS warns me that tonight's episode contains adult content and viewer discretion is advised. I'd like to think it means we'll see Grissom and Sara sexing it up with each other, but I know the adult content is not going to be that fun. I have watched CSI before, you know.

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A plot: Rich dude Terry Bancroft is found dead in his office at home. He's been decomposing for a few weeks but not enough, apparently, since Brennan insists he's still too juicy for her to examine. Too bad, because she's informed that the Bancroft family, which donated a gajillion dollars to the Jeffersonian, wants the squints on the case. Bancroft was identified by his wife, Clarissa, who tells Booth that she and her husband were on separate vacations and that's why she didn't find his body sooner. She mentions that Bancroft finances an inner city youth center and someone there may have killed him.

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I started writing this recap on March 10, the ten year anniversary of when Buffy the Vampire Slayer premiered. Ten years, y'all. It's an understatement to say that David Boreanaz has come a long way since then, acting-wise.

In the A plot, Brennan travels down to Florida to investigate a dead girl's body found inside the very full tummy of an alligator. Because Booth is otherwise occupied (more on that later), Brennan's partner for this investigation is Booth's fellow FBI agent and old pal Tim Sullivan, aka Sully. Now, y'all know I dislike Cam, but my immediate loathing for Sully far exceeds how I feel about her. Sully is a charmless douchebag of the highest order, has no chemistry with Brennan, and it seems like Eddie McClintock was cast in this part because he kinda sorta resembles David Boreanaz, if you squint and perhaps have a few shots of tequila. In conclusion? Go away, Sully. Go away a lot.

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Present day Rome. What appears to be a dress-fitting is in progress, with the costumer played by the rilly rilly hawt Lolita Davidovich. While pinning the dress, Lolita recounts O. Henry's "Gift of the Magi" to the innocent-looking Italian girl. She is dismissing the story as being about the "foolish sacrifices we make for love" and copping a feel in the guise of fixing the dress, so I think we're supposed to believe she is Evil. The cold dead eyes may give it away as well. She continues to tell the story as she slips a hand underneath the girl's dress and gets her off. Evilly.

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Fair warning: I didn't care for this episode so expect a minimum of the funny and a maximum of bitching, and not just about Jenny this time.

Great. Another pointless, time-wasting opening scene. A sub shop in Detroit, two years ago. A couple of girls are pretending to work in the kitchen when an officious manager comes in and barks at one of the girls to start working. After he leaves, the two girls start making out and groping each other. The manager comes back and catches the show through the window. Inspired, he starts jerking off. Sigh. Two episodes in a row now I have to recap disgusting handjobs. This show hates me.

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WeHo, 1976. In a dingy, green-lit bathroom, two unsavory-looking men with bad mustaches (doesn't that describe every man in the 70s?) come in looking like they're either going to fight or have sex. Taking into account what show this is, I'll let y'all decide which one. The little one keeps trying to kiss the bigger one, but Mr. Pretty Woman keeps shoving him away. Eventually, Mr. Pretty Woman pulls out his penis, which we thankfully don't have to see, and orders Little Guy to start sucking. Little Guy complies, as the camera pans out to a diner which looks like a casting call for bad 70s gay porn. To the surprise of nobody except maybe Little Guy, it turns out Mr. Pretty Woman is a cop and busts Little Guy. But not before getting a blowjob, of course. These little slice-of-gay-life vignettes are only loosely connected to the theme of the episodes and take valuable time away from the characters I actually want to watch. They need to die.

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Heads up! This is going to be a truncated recap, since I'm super late on getting this episode recapped. It's an older episode, y'all already know how the rest of the season turns out, and I still have to write the recap for the season finale. So, instead of recapping each scene, I'm just going to recap each storyline.

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1986 in New York City. A woman is taking photographs of another woman, who is naked. The lighting for this scene is very raw and harsh, highlighting every single flaw on the naked woman's body yet making her beautiful in an odd way. The photographer takes some shots, then grabs a spotlight and moves it around the model's body. She sets down the spotlight and kisses the model's chest, moving downwards.

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Just a quick update - after a busy holiday season and dealing with getting laid off, I'm going to get back to working on this project very soon. Since I'm no longer working at Recapist and I can't say for certain how long the archives there will be up, I will be posting my full recaps that I wrote for them instead of just the first paragraph and a link. I'll do that for the new recaps I post and once I'm done getting everything archived I'll go back and fix the ones I've already posted.

Also, I'm going to be recapping classic episodes of CSI (seasons 1-5, although not all episodes). I'll be doing about one a week and posting them here, as well as at my new writing blog. The recap of the pilot episode is expected to go up by the end of the week. My goal for getting all of my recaps archived is mid-February. Thank you for your patience.

ETA: Obviously my goals fell to pieces. I'm really sorry, and I'm working as hard as I can to get everything archived in as timely a manner as possible. I've also moved my blog (link updated above) and I can't guarantee how frequently I'll put a classic recap up.

Hi, I'm Annie, and I'm your new Bones recapper. Since the show doesn't return with new episodes until March 14, I'll be catching up with recaps of the last three episodes. First up: the return of Howard Epps and his "creepy serial killer hands." My co-worker Theoriginalspy would like it noted on the record that it's Howard Epps, not Eppes. Howard is most definitely not the black sheep cousin of Don and Charlie.

Read the full recap @ Recapist!

Welcome to season three of So You Think You Can Dance! Before I get to the recap, I feel I need to disclose that the only formal dance training I've had were ballet lessons when I was 6. I'm 34 now, so you do the math. When it comes to recapping this show, I can spot major flaws, like someone tripping and wiping out (oh, how I hope that happens this season! Especially after the audition rounds) but I'm not likely to spot really detailed stuff. All I know is what entertains me and what doesn't, so my recaps will be less with the technical and more with the "ooooh, shiny!"

Read the full recap @ Recapist!

Charlie, his face full of conflicting emotions, goes through security at the prison. The guards, the same ones who hassled him in the pilot, make cracks about how he keeps coming back and they've got a cell waiting for him. Charlie, less easily riled this time, simply tells them to keep it ready because they just might need it. They escort him to a room where Mark Rawls, the father of the boy who was killed in the pilot, is waiting for him. They exchange pleasantries, with Mark remarking that it feels like earthquake weather, which Charlie finds interesting. They get down to business and Charlie asks Mark to look into Kyle Hollis, since cons have the best information about "how to find one of us." Mark agrees, since he owes Charlie one for finding the man who killed his son. Charlie gets up to leave, then turns back and asks, "Earthquake weather?" "Sure feels that way," Mark replies.

Read the full recap @ Recapist!